PLEASE ATTEND OUR NO EXCUSE SUNDAY
In order to improve our Sunday morning attendance, our 1st Annual “No Excuse Sunday” will occur next week.
Moreover, we will do our utmost to compensate for excuses routinely offered by those who frequently miss.
· Cots and pillows will be available for those who claim, “Sunday is my only day to sleep in.”
· Padded lounge chairs will be offered to those that feel that our pews are too hard.
· Eye drops will be available for attendees manifesting red, tired eyes from staying up late on Saturday night.
· Hard hats will be distributed to those concerned that the roof might cave in if they show up on Sunday.
· Comforters will be distributed to those who complain that the building is cold, and extra fans for those who say that it is too hot.
· Note cards will be available for those wishing to list all the hypocrites present.
· A dinner and extra chairs will be provided for those that claim that they cannot attend because they have to cook for company.
· The preacher will NOT preach on “Giving" in order to appease those that whine that the church is always asking for money.
· Several saplings, small shrubs and live flowers will be brought in to appease those who prefer to worship out in nature.
· A doctor and several nurses will be on call for those who plan to be sick.
· The auditorium will be decorated with Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the auditorium without them.
· Hearing aids will be provided for those who cannot hear the preacher, and ear plugs for those who grumble because they can.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
“I was glad when they said to me, "Let us go into the house of the Lord." (Psa. 122:1)
Jesus, always Jesus!
Dennis
In order to improve our Sunday morning attendance, our 1st Annual “No Excuse Sunday” will occur next week.
Moreover, we will do our utmost to compensate for excuses routinely offered by those who frequently miss.
· Cots and pillows will be available for those who claim, “Sunday is my only day to sleep in.”
· Padded lounge chairs will be offered to those that feel that our pews are too hard.
· Eye drops will be available for attendees manifesting red, tired eyes from staying up late on Saturday night.
· Hard hats will be distributed to those concerned that the roof might cave in if they show up on Sunday.
· Comforters will be distributed to those who complain that the building is cold, and extra fans for those who say that it is too hot.
· Note cards will be available for those wishing to list all the hypocrites present.
· A dinner and extra chairs will be provided for those that claim that they cannot attend because they have to cook for company.
· The preacher will NOT preach on “Giving" in order to appease those that whine that the church is always asking for money.
· Several saplings, small shrubs and live flowers will be brought in to appease those who prefer to worship out in nature.
· A doctor and several nurses will be on call for those who plan to be sick.
· The auditorium will be decorated with Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the auditorium without them.
· Hearing aids will be provided for those who cannot hear the preacher, and ear plugs for those who grumble because they can.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
“I was glad when they said to me, "Let us go into the house of the Lord." (Psa. 122:1)
Jesus, always Jesus!
Dennis
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